Coyote Ugly

Last night I dreamt...

I was in some kind of castle. I sneaked out at night for something I couldn't recall and I came back to my "room", but the door was locked.
Through the glass I saw my trainer (the guy that did the training to enter my company) and several friends, laughin' at me, showing a banner that said that I wouldn't enter after a certain hour. I raged, I walked towards the end of the terrace and they got out, cranked for the joke.
A friend told me that they were just kiddin', but I turned red in fury, yelling at him that he was the most unwanted person to talk to me and I jumped to the edge... Or at least that's what I tried, damn self-preservation instinct.

Hundreds of "nazis" :S dressed in grey with orange hats arrived and started killing everyone. Lots of missin' scenes with parkour in between, running and shooting.
Three of us got trapped in a safety deposit and the chasers were coming after. The door started to crack, so we left through an exit in the back.

[MISSING SCENE]

I pretended to be asleep on a car (holding my pillow!) and the cops/nazis/army guys, whatever they were, passed looking at me.
"I'm safe", I thought. It was night again. I decided to get out of my hiding place, just to notice that that fortress was surrounded by walls, and I had no escape... from that shape that was now looking at me, since the moment I moved.
Growlins, horrible growlings, a dark shape with crisp hair staring at my location. Above, on the terrace, the army enjoying the show. And that coyote was now running at me, jumping at me, biting my left hand. Blood, lots of blood and torn skin and shattered bones. The coyote is dragging me from the arm, and I'm kicking the dust.

I wake up. My hand is in pain. I don't get it. I'm awake, I shouldn't feel so much pain, and I feel the wound, and the cold in my ripped flesh. I fall asleep again, before undestanding that bridge. The coyote is jumping again towards me. I brake a chair, make a stake, and kill the beast. And I finally wake up.

Once again: my conscience hates me...

Exploring My Brain (Lucid Dreams)

I'm beginning to understand how my mind works and, like every other human being does with anything he begins to understand, I started taking a profit from it :D

I've been trying to have lucid dreams for years. A couple of weeks ago I succeeded for the first time and said "This is a dream, I don't want to be in this situation. I wanna be in Greece", and I can asure you, there's nothing like this (like Greece, and like the lucid dream itself).



Today I discovered (just a while ago) that I can improve the experience, and take advantage of "common places" or cliches of my mind. Here's how you can do it... I usually have dreams inside of dreams, which means that I wake up but it turns out to be that I'm still sleeping. It's very common in nightmares; I wake up in fear and try to move but I can't, I wake up again (of this second dream) and so on... The trick it's to look for anchor points to hold on to, until the mind becomes keen at this (sorry por the lame word game, I couldn't find any better way to express it, it's almost 3:00 AM). In example, my first anchor point is the light switch. If you got out of bed, tried to turn the light on and it doesn't work, "wake up": you're dreaming; if this was real life, the light bulb would flash before going out. Another: if there's music you like in the backgrond, wake up, you're dreaming: unless you sleep with the radio on or something like that, think as I did in my dream: this has to be a dream, 'cause there's music and I was in bed. One more: you try to move and you can't. CRYSTAL CLEAR, you're in the middle of a nightmare of the most lame and common kind. This are three things that happen to me, and that "wake me up" without leaving the dream, just to say: "this is a dream, I don't wanna be here". Done.
All that I just narrated happened in one night, without a single physical wake up.
And, in case you're wondering about how "the mind becomes keen at this"... Last time I woke up (mentally), I got up and said: "this is a dream, 'cause the floor is not right, my appartment has wooded floor".

I can assure you every recurrent nightmare becomes a field trip of which you'll wake up laughing your lungs out of the places that you thought to visit while sleeping.

A technique this time worked on me: if you lay down and sleep for a little while, you wake up and you just stay in bed, concentrating in the fact that you're about to fall asleep and that you will realize that you're dreaming, it is said that this increases the chances of having lucid dreams in about 80%.

A final advise: write down everything you see, and ask people the following day, because (esoterically speaking) you could be having an astral experience instead of a lucid dream. The difference is that, supposedly, the astral experience takes you to real places, where you can see "things the way they are", in real time (and I have to say that, as a rationalist thinker I am, I believe in lucid dreams and not in this "horangelism").

Ladies and gentlemen, members of the jury; this night I've been in Greece, Rome, three bedrooms and a restaurant, visiting known people (and I heard about some guy called Guglielmo -William- in Rome, that only God knows which repressed memory he personifies).

As we say in my land... Believe it or burst.

Curious...

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Those Little Words (Unfinished Song)

Oh, didn't you know? When I'm in really deep shit, I write songs... guess that I'd be a suicide music star that dies young and leaves a legend behind (if I were a musician or a star). So, the result is most of the times a dark, sad song, but it has given me pretty good results as motivation. I wish that someday I'll be able to write about positive feelings, as strong as the sadness and grief that I sense around me.

I just have the chorus so far, but since it seems this dark times are going to last some time, I'm not worried about losing my inspiration.
I wrote this song looking right into your eyes, daydreaming about you and me, and you didn't even notice I was there. Ain't that sad?

Those little things that you don't wanna know,
Are those little things that I'm longing to say;
Those simple things like those little words
That kill 'n enslave, break hearts 'n betray
Are nothin' but grubs and they grow
Just to hunt 'n haunt you, they taunt,
And this torture extends with no end or
Beggining, you blend and you're bleeding,
And pleading no more, no dreamin' alone, screamin' and more...
I'm tryin' not to say those little words.

Yes, guess there's a cheap poet inside of me (the one who once wrote that love was like a goat -WTF?-).

Feel like...

I don't feel like writing.
Do you feel like reading?

P.S.: In that case, I suggest checkin' out my other entries. Have a nice day, sucker.

The Happening™

I contain spoilers. Be warned.

OK, let's talk about movies. Really bad movies.
The Happening is a apocalyptic B-type movie. It seems that:

• M. Night Shyamalan can't make a single good movie that's up to his Sixth Sense™.
• When you don't have enough money for FX you can create movies with powerless superheroes, fake monsters guarding a village or (even worse) chemical substances -and with this I mean "invisible substances"- that make people kill themselves.

The only good thing the movie has is Mark Whalberg, and it's not even that good acting... Whenever people is about to die, you'll see the trees shaking because, besides of expelling a toxic substance, it also seems that the trees and the grass have the capability of producing wind (WTF?).

The scariest part in the whole movie has to do with the fact that I hate dolls, and there's a really big one on a bed, and not even that part was enough to put me on edge.

• The best: there's so many ways people kill themselves on this movie... the car crash was amazing. The movie is so short you don't waste too much time, or get bored for too long.
• The worst: The movie is so short you'll probably regret spending money on this, instead of buying a BigMac.

Shyamalan, I want you to know: you're not Hitchcock as to appear on every single piece of shitty movie you make. I hate your final-twisty thing, and it's not striking any more. I was the more enthusiastic person about The Sixth Sense™, but every since that one, you went down the hill, and if you think that you'll ruin a classic as The Day the Earth Stood Still™, you will regret it.

I thought that this movie I just saw was (hey, lookie here, "saw" and "was" are mirror words :D) going to be... good. And it wasn't (I don't feel like writing anything else, was that obvious?).

The Owner

Actually, this post should go on September (the 12th) of 2005, but back then I didn't have a blog, so... here't's, my own creation, The Owner (a song for Pagliólico).

(Why am I purple? Dunno, just thought it would be kinda cool)

I hate I have known you, I hate that I saw you,

I hate that I love you, uh, I love you so much.

I hate I can't sleep 'n I'm lying in bed

And now you have said: "look but don't touch".

I'm thinking about you, I hate you're not calling,

I'm stumbling and falling, wonder who's your guy.

I hate it's so easy, so easy to tease you,

But when it comes to kiss you, I'm naive and so shy.

And though I know your body is for everybody,

I bet that nobody can find that part.

I'm gonna keep trying, even if it means dying,

I will be the owner of your heart,

I will be the owner of your heart,

I will be the owner...

My day's rearranged, I'm sleepless again,

When you weren't there I didn't believe in Hell.

I'm dying to please you don't seem to care,

I'm down to my knees and I hate you as well.

I won't say "I love you" though I hate to pretend,

I'm gonna be standing and you'll give up in te end.

I hate to make pressure but I cannot contain,

I'm not your sex-buddy, I'm not either a friend.

And though I know your body is for everybody,

I bet that nobody can find that part.

I'm gonna keep trying, even if it means dying,

I will be the owner of your heart,

I will be the owner of your heart,

I will be the owner...

And though I know your body is for everybody,

I bet that nobody can find that part.

I'm gonna keep trying, even if it means dying,

I will be the owner of... your body is for everybody,

But I bet that nobody can find that part.

I'm gonna keep trying, even if it means dying,

I will be the owner of your heart,

I will be the owner of your heart,

I will be the owner...

Oh, fuck it... I'm an emo, after all :S

Just a Moment

Have you ever had that feeling of closeness, when you see a hand so close to you that you just start wondering how would it be like to hold it, to touch that skin, to smell that hair, to taste those lips?

And yes, you had some days of that deathly closeness that, of course, ended up in distress & more loneliness.
Is it so hard to be wanted?
Is it so easy to end up alone, that you just find yourself lyin' on an empty bed every single night, trying not to think about it, to make those ghosts go away, and be happy for the moments you lived with that person?

But I'm back. I'm lying on an empty bed, like every other night. And even though I try not to think about it, the ghosts keep on comin' back to haunt me, and the moments I lived are fading with the constant torture of that skin, hair & lips that I will never get to taste.

And that single second I need is tearin' me apart, as we grow closer & the breach gets bigger and deeper, I transform into a divided being: a mask of happiness, and a dreamer's fantasy, beggin', bleeding and pleading for just a moment with you.

God's Video Card

Have you ever stopped for a second, watching the trees, the clouds, the water on the streets, and thought: "I wonder what video card is using God to pull up all of this at the same time...". Of course, it's not something everyone asks everyday, not even I do.
But when you think about it, isn't it obvious that there's gotta be something that thinks and looks for this universe? Think it this way: men haven't reached the point of creating a visually reallistic environment, rendered on real time, that behaves exactly the way nature does.

And when you see that, you realise (with an "s" or with "z"?) there's no way that nature could accidentally create so much perfection. 'Cause I don't care what doctors say: human being is a perfect machine, so fragile, capable of feeling, so accurate, self-improving, capable of mistakes and learning from them...

Sometimes I can't stop thinking that whoever wrote "American Beauty" thought about this, and that "there's so much beauty in this world" it's too much to take it.

Refraction, reflection, lightings, textures, colors, antialiasing, shading... think about this next time you witness a red sunset, and think: "What power pulled this up?".

One more time: God must have a hell of a video card.

P.S.: Yes, this is the type of crap you'll only find here: cheap thoughts and brain-storming for everyone to laugh at me. Who the fuck cares?